Can i not drive my cunt home
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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