just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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