go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
