Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
