My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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