Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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