i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
