Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
