it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
