i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
