Nicole vs. Life
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
