when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My pussy is not your playground.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
