College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
