I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
