i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
