You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
