last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.