let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
