Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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