lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
should my penis look like a turkey
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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