Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize