just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
