Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
