I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
