Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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