oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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