I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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