He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize