The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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