GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
