Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
