this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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