we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
