Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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