I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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