it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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