you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
