when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
