She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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