i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
