He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
