I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
