And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
3pm strippers are depressing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
