He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
