Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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