it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
