I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
