imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
