is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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