Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
