the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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