I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
