I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
