I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
