I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
