After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
