There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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