I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
