my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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