i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He felt like a one man threesome
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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