Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
