Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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