I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
