I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
