I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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