Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
