Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You smell like stripper and shame
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
