You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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