I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
