I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
