the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize