Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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