we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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