i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
