There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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