if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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