He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize