apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
