Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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