I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
