when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
